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The Good Daughter: A Memoir of My Mother's Hidden Life, by Jasmin Darznik
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We were a world of two, my mother and I, until I started turning into an American girl. That's when she began telling me about The Good Daughter. It became a taunt, a warning, an omen.
Jasmin Darznik came to America from Iran when she was only three years old, and she grew up knowing very little about her family's history. When she was in her early twenties, on a day shortly following her father's death, Jasmin was helping her mother move; a photograph fell from a stack of old letters. The girl pictured was her mother. She was wearing a wedding veil, and at her side stood a man whom Jasmin had never seen before.
At first, Jasmin's mother, Lili, refused to speak about the photograph, and Jasmin returned to her own home frustrated and confused. But a few months later, she received from her mother the first of ten cassette tapes that would bring to light the wrenching hidden story of her family's true origins in Iran: Lili's marriage at thirteen, her troubled history of abuse and neglect, and a daughter she was forced to abandon in order to escape that life. The final tape revealed that Jasmin's sister, Sara - The Good Daughter - was still living in Iran.
In this sweeping, poignant, and beautifully written memoir, Jasmin weaves the stories of three generations of Iranian women into a unique tale of one family's struggle for freedom and understanding. The result is an enchanting and unforgettable story of secrets, betrayal, and the unbreakable mother-daughter bond.
- Sales Rank: #695857 in Books
- Published on: 2011-01-27
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x 1.25" w x 6.25" l, 1.14 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 336 pages
From Booklist
Raised in California, Darznik never imagined that her mother Lili lived another life completely in Iran before marrying Darznik’s German father. Lili was married off at 14 to Kazem, a man who would prove to be violent and abusive. Lili gave birth to a daughter, Sara, but when Kazem’s abuse escalated, Lili knew she had no choice but to flee his house and seek a divorce. The move cost her Sara, as Iranian law dictates children stay with their fathers. Lili decided to go to school in Germany to become a midwife, but the sudden death of her father forced her to come back to Iran to earn money for her own and her brother’s schooling. When she returned to Germany, she drew the attention of the earnest German engineer who became her husband and the father of her second daughter, Darznik. Taken from tapes her mother sent her after Darznik discovered a photograph from her mother’s first wedding, Darznik’s memoir is a beautifully recounted homage to her mother’s life and struggles. --Kristine Huntley
Review
"Darznik is a rare talent, and her family history a dazzler." -MORE Magazine
About the Author
Born in Tehran to an Iranian mother and European father, Jasmin Darznik has contributed to the New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and other publications. She received her doctorate in English from Princeton University and is a professor at Washington and Lee University.
Most helpful customer reviews
57 of 59 people found the following review helpful.
Beautifully written, and a page-turner!
By MadameBookworm
If you like true stories that read like fiction, memoirs that carry through generations, and an astonishing amount of family secrets and suspense unfolding against an incredible and often heartbreaking historical background, READ THIS BOOK! I literally could not put this memoir down...
While I really enjoyed Darznik's rich details about life in Iran throughout the 20th century, this is really a story about women-- in turbulent, dangerous times, in impossible situations, caught between traditions and modern expectations. It is also the complex and intimate story of an extended family and the relationships that stretch and strain between them over several decades.
I cannot recommend this book enough!
26 of 27 people found the following review helpful.
A riveting, unforgettable memoir
By Bookreporter
Five weeks after her father's death, Jasmin Darznik is helping her Iranian mother, Lili, sort through their belongings in preparation for a move to smaller quarters. When a faded photograph falls out of a pack of letters, Jasmin is shocked to see her mother standing with a mystery man. Even more stunning is the fact that it's obviously a wedding picture and she appears to be in her early teens and on the brink of tears.
When Jasmin questions her mother about the photo and the circumstances surrounding it, her mother responds by announcing that it has nothing to do with her, leaving her to wonder who the man is and why she has never heard of him or this previous marriage before.
Eventually Lili breaks her silence and begins sending cassette tapes from her home in California to Jasmin on the East Coast. As she listens to each of the 10 tapes recorded by her mother over a period of time, Jasmin hears the story of her mother's life in Iran and comes to know her mother in a new and deeper way. Events from the past that made no sense are suddenly much clearer now.
Lili's story could belong to any woman raised in Iran during the same time period. An abusive husband, a family life that's too close for comfort and an environment where women have little or no say about their future is a world that Jasmin has no memory of. Although she was born in Iran, her family fled the Islamic Revolution and moved to America in the late '70s when she was only five years old, and she grew up in a different world from that of her parents. What Jasmin doesn't realize is that she is not her mother's first, or only, child. Jasmin has an older sister, Sara, the daughter of the man in the photo, who she has never met and who still lives in Iran.
In THE GOOD DAUGHTER, Jasmin Darznik tells her mother's story and her own. She tells of an Iranian-American childhood spent in shame and her unattainable goal of trying to do nothing more than fit in. She also tells of her mother's stories of how Good Daughters behave and how she fell short of being a Good Daughter in every way. The book allows us an in-depth look at the appallingly different lifestyle women lead in Iran, as opposed to what they experience in America. It tells us a story of a family torn apart by abuse and by war, and how they went on to make a good life in America while still being haunted by the ghosts of the past.
THE GOOD DAUGHTER is a riveting story of three generations of strong women and how they persevered against the odds to enjoy a new life in a new land. I highly recommend this book, which will leave you shocked and inspired.
--- Reviewed by Amie Taylor
23 of 24 people found the following review helpful.
Gripping and beautiful story
By Mary B
I picked up the book and was immediately grabbed by the compelling story of a culture very foreign to most Americans, yet very relatable as fellow human beings. Darznik's mother's story is heartbreaking yet full of hope, perseverance and tenacity. Darznik weaves a beautifully descriptive narrative that covers three generations of mothers. It's one of those books you can't put down, and don't want it to end. Highly recommend it!
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