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A Good Talk: The Story and Skill of Conversation, by Daniel Menaker
Free PDF A Good Talk: The Story and Skill of Conversation, by Daniel Menaker
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A GOOD TALK is an analysis of and guide to that most exclusively human of all activities-- conversation.
Drawing on over forty years of experience in American letters, Menaker pinpoints the factors that drive and enliven every good conversation: the vagaries (and joys) of subtext; the deeper structure and meaning of conversational flow; the subliminal signals that guide our disclosures and confessions; and the countless other hurdles we must clear along the way. Moving beyond self-help musings and "how to" advice, he has created a stylish, funny, and surprising book: a celebration of "the most excusively human of all activities."
In a time when conversation remains deeply important-- for building relationships, for relaxing, even for figuring out who we are-- and also increasingly imperiled (with Blackberries and texting increasingly in vogue), A GOOD TALK is a refreshing celebration of the subtle adventures of a good conversation.
- Sales Rank: #869858 in Books
- Brand: Menaker, Daniel
- Published on: 2011-01-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .75" w x 5.25" l, .44 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
From Publishers Weekly
A fiction writer and former editor at the New Yorker and Random House, Menaker (The Treatment) regards conversation as a human art of great importance produced by all people everywhere. His witty approach is evident almost immediately, as he speculates on the creation of human language, moving on to the general rules of conversation, London coffeehouses as a forum for ideas, greetings, and name-droppers: They wrap the pig of name-dropping in a blanket of casualness, or even criticalness, and seem to actually believe you won't taste the inner wiener. At the book's core is a conversation between Menaker and an anonymous female writer. Taped in a Brooklyn restaurant, this lengthy transcript is analyzed in detail to show how the participants take risks, seek a common ground, interject humor, and discover perceptive insights about each other. Interview tactics and prepared remarks are covered, along with e-mail embarrassments, dating stratagems, sarcastic barbs, compliments, and interruptions. However, what makes a lasting impression is the parade of anecdotes about life in the corridors of the New Yorker and Random House, leaving the reader yearning for a full-scale Menaker memoir. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
A New Yorker editor for 26 years, Menaker views conversation as artifact, tracing its prehistoric beginnings with glottological theories on physical changes in the hominid larynx and mutation of the FoxP2 gene, which helped develop brain areas conducive to language, all before hominids left Africa. He posits that conversation developed as a hands-free substitute for socially interactive grooming, as with chimps, and, moving forward, considers conversation as aimless: not without aim, but without purpose, something that Americans, more than other modern societies, have been traditionally critical of. Within the context of the persistent legacy of Puritan “sobriety and pioneer pragmatism” favoring “those who talk little and accomplish much,” he seamlessly entwines his own wryly humorous observations, dialogue from Jonathon Swift and Fred and Ginger, discussion of the chi energy of conversation, and FAQ: Frequently Arising Quandries. These last include “Insults” (subdivided into Inadvertent Affronts and Deliberate, Frontal Attack), “Prepared Remarks,” and “Dating,” which includes observations by Samuel Johnson plus notes on seduction and courtship. A charming, useful, and entertaining approach to a fascinating topic. --Whitney Scott
Review
"I might have guessed that Daniel Menaker could talk about talk with the same facility and charm that he can bring to any conversation. Still, A GOOD TALK, his lively analysis of the workings of social speech, comes as a delightful revelation."―--Billy Collins, former Poet Laureate of the United States and author of Ballistics
"The art of conversation is in decline, and Daniel Menaker has hastened that decline by writing prose that is so funny, surprising, and habit-forming that the reader is inclined to cancel all social engagements and stay in at night with this book. I don't know about you, but I find it hard to resist an author who compares Socrates to
Columbo."―Mary Roach, author of Stiff
"How can a single book be so learned, so wise, so helpful, and so short? A Good Talk is a great delight."―Ann Packer, author of The Dive from Clausen's Pier
"Just when it seems our society has forgotten how vital it is to our health and well being to have both intimate and public productive conversation, Daniel Menaker brings us "A Good Talk." This intelligent and thoughtful exploration of human communication happens to be very entertaining, but more importantly it provides a roadmap for enhancing your own relationships with good talk." ―Gail Saltz, M.D. Psychiatrist, Psychoanalyst, and Today Show Contributor
Most helpful customer reviews
28 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
A Good Read for Wordsmiths
By Drea Knufken
A stranger in an airplane sparked a conversation with me the other day. Rather than the usual awkward seatmate dialogue, we ended up having a good conversation.
He told me about his time in Iraq and playing craps in Vegas. I told him about my visit to Laos, where he would be stationed next. Although our half-hour exchange may have felt like little more than a way to pass time, we were actually discovering connections, establishing common ground, and taking on roles.
I didn't realize this until about a week later, when I read "A Good Talk: The Story and Skill of Conversation, former New Yorker editor Daniel Menaker's latest book." In his seven-chapter discourse on conversation, Menaker explains the evolution, mechanics, and benefits of human conversation. His entertaining new read offers a fresh perspective on how and why conversations play significant roles in our lives.
Inside the Book
Menaker has a tendency to elaborate and digress. He shows this habit right from the beginning, with 22 pages of opening remarks.
In his wordy, amusing style, he speculates on the origin and evolution of conversation. He makes points about the essence of conversation by referring to various social science studies. You leave those opening remarks with a clearer sense of why conversation is hard to study, what makes it unique, and where it probably came from. You also feel like Menaker has talked to you, a theme that continues throughout the book.
Next, Menaker explores the history of conversation, from Socrates to talk shows. He goes on to break down the components of a conversation, using a long transcribed conversation between himself and an acquaintance as a case study.
Through Menaker's long, bantering example, you learn about the structure of conversation. For example, most conversations come in five parts: Survey, Discovery, Risks, Roles, and the ending of the talk. Menaker describes each. You also learn different approaches to take while engaging in one. This is one of the more instructive parts of the book, but it's embedded in a whole bunch of, well, talk.
In the fifth chapter of the book, Menaker answers some frequently asked questions on conversation. How do address boredom? What about people who suddenly insult you? What about email manners? There are some useful tips here. Chapter 6 describes the three qualities any good conversationalists must possess: Curiosity, humor, and impudence. You learn not only what they are, but how to use them.
The final chapter of the book describes how conversation benefits people emotionally and physically (oxytocin has a role here). Menaker also reflects on conversation's political and social roles, concluding with insights on how conversations can change our lives.
My Thoughts
Because I'm reviewing this book from a business angle, let me issue a qualifier. It's not for everyone. As a New Yorker fan, writer, and admirer of the craft of writing, I probably land on the bull's eye of this book's target audience. When I read Menaker's digressions, I was also taking note of his often boundary-pushing writing style. I enjoyed his use of big words. As for his references to New York's literary elite, I thought: I should learn who these people are.
If I'd been looking for cut-and-dried advice on how to be good at conversation, and I didn't happen to be a literary wonk, this book would have annoyed me. But if you can relate to me, do bring A Good Talk on your vacation or on the plane. The writing flows, engages, and inspires. It made me more interested in any conversation, and made me want to have more good ones.
In a sense, the book is written like a conversation: You have to sift through the chatter to see the glint of gems. This was especially apparent in Chapters 3 and 4, which covered a painfully long conversation as a case study. I would have preferred that Menaker chunked out the conversation into short bits, then defined his points after each excerpt.
Still, if you aren't turned off by written rambling, Menaker does offer a truly fresh perspective on conversations. His book helped me appreciate conversations as a form, not just a necessity.
I'll conclude by saying that if you want straightforward tips, this isn't your tome. But if you like good writing, fresh perspectives, and the New Yorker for that matter, pick this book up.
(Book review by Drea Knufken)
49 of 57 people found the following review helpful.
Conversations Can Build A Better Tomorrow
By C. Lewis
The book itself it witty and engaging. I found myself not wanting to put the book down as I was drawn into the history and discourse of talking. It may sound dull, but believe me it isn't. Each chapter has conversations that are great examples of the topic that he is trying to cover which truly allows the reader to understand the concepts at a much deeper level.
As I work in a profession that requires a lot of talking, this book was rather relevant. I run into people daily who have a lack of skill when it comes to conversing with others. I even find at times that conversation does not always come naturally, thus this book was a great find and a great read, as it makes you look at conversing with others in a different light and allows you to work step by step to build yourself into a better conversationalist as well as becomming a better person in society.
34 of 39 people found the following review helpful.
Terrible
By A. Sander
I sought practical advice like many of the other reviewers and I found some. But the book is filled with self referential writing, making for a boring read. At one point the author mentioned that he tried to find people to record for conversation but failing to find many willing volunteers records his own conversation with a friend (for two chapters of a seven chapter book). Instead of finding a sparkling example of fine conversation, we end up with whatever he could think of at the time. And that is how the book feels, like the author put his thoughts to the page without much research or consideration for the reader.
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